This dress was meant to end up on your floor
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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