my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
