I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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