sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I want her autograph on my taint
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
