They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
