margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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