I think im going to throw up on grandma
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
