and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
