Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
