god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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