I'm so fucking centered right now
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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