Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
