Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
