are you still at the devil's house?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
