My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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