I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
