seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
