And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
