I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
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