Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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