we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
