Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
