the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
