bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
