I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
