i permit you to call me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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