I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
