I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you would pick up someone in the library
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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