Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
