i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
