Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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