Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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