The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
