so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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