allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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