I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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