Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
how does that bad decision feel?
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