This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
