You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
