Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize