my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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