people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
