guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
