his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
