the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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