he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So much Jack, so little girl.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
