he was CRYING into my vagina
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
