and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
