What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
