You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
