i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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