the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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