I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize