I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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