The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
