After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
