if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So much rum. So many feels.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He has the fingertips of a God
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