i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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