She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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