god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
