how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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