The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
