just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
