I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
