You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
