ugly people sure do ruin things
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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