whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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