I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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