I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
