You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
