Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
