Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
