Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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