Me. At least after what I've been through.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
