when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
