it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
