I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
someone owes me an orgasm
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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